i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
