8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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