Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
