is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
