we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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