he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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