I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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