I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
