He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
