My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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