This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
