Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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