so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ttyl tear gas
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
