I'd wear matching sweaters with you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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