She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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