She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
