I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
