I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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