I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nicole vs. Life
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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