My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
