if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
