Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
