My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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