I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
