ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
