apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
