What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
