If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Say something about gay babies.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
