I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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