i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
