SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
