party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
