Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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