I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
