Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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