i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
