I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
