Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
