I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
handjob tips. give me some.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
