I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
