life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that's an acceptable place to lick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
