kristin has been a bad kristin
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
