oh god the rape fog is back!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
