What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
