i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
