I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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