Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
