Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
