Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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