Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
