Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
