My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
