i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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