Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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