i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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