i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bring money and cleavage
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize