haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
