I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The uberlube is also flammable
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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