if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
