I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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