There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
