i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
