this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
