dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
