I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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