I hate all girls vehemently.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
