Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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