I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
