You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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