Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
