i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
