I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
