Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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