2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
